SHARING THROUGH, WITH, & IN GOD
During the first year of the pandemic, I saw some pretty ugly parts of myself while my wife and I assisted my kindergartener and 2nd grader through their daily Zoom classes. We struggled with our egos as we reminded our kids 70x7 times a day to remain seated at their computer and “attend (Zoom) class.” It was as if my daily life was a TV telenovela showcasing my physically and emotionally “tapped out” soul. The situation contributed to physical and emotional guarding - walls I put up to compensate for my own perceived ugliness of Zoom Kindergarten & 2nd grade.
In wallowing in the disbelief of my own actions and thoughts, I’m reminded of the initial fear of Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Joanna, who were the first disciples of the Risen Christ in Luke’s Gospel. In their own initial fear and disbelief, they were reminded of God’s Word, promise, and covenant which seemed to be all they needed to remind them to ‘keep going’ and to spread the good news. Gratitude comes from our ability to remember intentionally with God - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Since my kids have returned to school in person, I’ve found consolation in slowing down. Like walking the path of a labyrinth, I intentionally have slowed my walk, my breath, my thoughts, and my emotions as I intentionally walk with the Holy Spirit, feeling the the wind and air entering and exiting my body. I’ve learned to point with my index finger at that part of my day that eats at my soul but more so, recognize the 3 fingers pointing back at me, saying, “It is VERY GOOD....” as God said in Gen 1. I’m starting to actually believe in my own original goodness. As I slow down, I recognize the people - especially the women in my life - my wife, family, and friends, who in their own unique ways have sought to bring the Good News to my own conscience. In that sense, prayer for me has been more of an allowing, rather than a doing. We’re human beings after all, not human doings. In putting my guard down and being more open to the expansiveness of God’s tender mercy, I’m able to repeat the mantra of goodness within today’s readings on this Holy Saturday. It reminds me that the consolations received, whether they be the triumphs of The Resurrection or a slow and seemingly painful waiting in a Holy Saturday are good.
Lord, with your spirit, which feeds my soul like the air I breathe, how can I trust you more deeply as I live through, with, and in you during my Holy Saturday?
Randy Naku