Fearful and Overjoyed
Oh, Mary Magdalene, how I understand the feeling of being fearful and overjoyed! After reading today’s Gospel, I feel a sense of relief. I’m not the only one that holds seemingly conflicting emotions sometimes. Phew!
The women of today’s Gospel are sent on a mission of telling others the “good news.” They go to fulfill it with both fear and joy. They are fearful perhaps because they don’t know what happened to Jesus, what will happen to Jesus, or what will happen to them or others that witness to the resurrection. They are also overjoyed perhaps because they know their beloved Jesus is not dead, that soon they’ll be able to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection with friends, and that He gave them an important mission.
Psychologist Susan David states, “Courage is not the absence of fear; courage is fear walking. When we witness someone’s bravery, it’s not that they are free from fear—it’s that they’ve learned to walk with it.” This is what I’ve experienced too. In recent years, I’ve had the “mission” to make hard calls on behalf of a loved one while they were extremely sick. In those difficult moments, I’ve been filled with fear - fear of losing them, fear of making the wrong choice. My commitment to my loved one, however, enabled me to face the challenge even with the fear because I had a purpose. The mission carried with it what was also true: that my love for them filled me with a deeper joy knowing they’d get help they would need to heal and live.
Where in my life am I fearful? Is God revealing joy to me in these sacred spaces? God, may your love-filled mission for me propel me to fulfill it. May I be prophetic and courageous to continue to walk even with fear. Fill me with your joy.
Vivian Valencia