God's Presence
“For what great nation is there that has gods so close to it as the LORD, our God, is to us whenever we call upon him?” – Dt. 4:7
Today’s readings speak much about laws and statutes, and the significance of, not only following them, but passing on the example to our children. However, this single verse is what stood out to me most.
“For what great nation is there that has gods so close to it as the LORD, our God, is to us whenever we call upon him?” – Dt. 4:7
I’ve been taught all my life that God is always near, listening to my prayers and helping me even when I don’t ask. “Just have faith,” I was told. As a cradle Catholic, I grew up rarely questioning these teachings, until I became an adult and was soon doubting almost everything, including God’s presence.
A few years ago, I was going through a tough time. I was trying to get over a break-up, and then a few months later, my grandfather was hospitalized, and eventually passed away soon after. In the subsequent months, I felt what some have described as a “downward spiral,” a state of being that made me sadder each day, and drew me to find consolation in shallow, temporary and harmful distractions. My most frequent distraction during that time was food. I was constantly eating. If it wasn’t extra helpings at home, it was eating out with friends or snacking even when I wasn’t hungry. The spiral continued to spin, and I did nothing to try to stop it.
That summer, I helped at a retreat. Though I hadn’t attended in years, this retreat was familiar, so I expected a busy, but relatively manageable weekend. What I did not expect, however, was the time I was offered to not just serve, but to sit in God’s presence; a place from which I’d estranged myself for the last year. Though I continued to attend mass and recite my daily devotions, I was praying with a very bitter, shameful and distant heart, and I’d hoped that God wouldn’t notice.
But like this verse from Deuteronomy says, God is close whenever we call upon Him, and during that weekend, God called me to serve, so that I would have the space to call on Him. In between retreat duties, I did some reflection and meditation, and my conversations with God during those times were difficult, but necessary. At some point during that challenging year, I thought I could stop my downfall whenever I wanted, and that was my problem – I was trying to do too much on my own instead of seeking God’s help. I thought I knew better, and no matter what I did, God didn’t really have to know, and maybe He wouldn’t care, which is exactly what the devil wants us to believe.
The false spirit is cunning, and every chance it gets to draw us away from God, it will take it, but it forgets that God walks alongside us regardless of whether the path we choose is dangerous or safe. I may have voluntarily jumped into that downward spiral, but God was the one who pulled me out. It was God who nudged me to choose the correct side of the fork in the road. It was God who pulled me back into His loving presence.
When was the last time I acknowledged God’s presence in my life?
Anna Gonda