TO BE HUMAN
In the middle of everyday life, when things feel chaotic and overwhelming, how can I center myself on Jesus? How can I ground myself in something true, unshakable, and enduring? When unrealistic expectations and unending to-do lists dominate the capacity of my energy and weigh down my spirit, as a person of faith, how do I move forward? Even more so, how do I do this during Lent? During Holy Week?
I have a one year old who is sick right now. His follow-up appointment today will be the 4th visit in less than 2 weeks. My three year old will be evaluated for autism spectrum disorder next month and in the meantime, we are doing our best every day to meet her needs the best way that we can, in order to support her. My husband's vocation requires him to work long hours. I work as well. This past week, like so many weeks, felt painstakingly long. The days felt long. The nights felt long.
I often think of Jesus, when life feels challenging and what lies ahead seems insurmountable. He led a life of service, of giving, of sacrifice. I was looking forward to Holy Week as I had wanted to pay more attention to how he did it. All that self-sacrificing... How did he do it?
In today's reading, he is sitting and having his feet anointed by Mary with very expensive oil. She lovingly does this with her own hair. I've read this scripture passage so many times in my life and only now do I see Jesus receiving a gift today. I think I've always only thought of how much Jesus gave. But here it is, to kick off Holy Week, Jesus is also receiving.
When I started writing this reflection, I found myself desperately searching for time to write. I found twenty minutes while my husband covered me with the kids. Inspired by the reading, I drew a bath for the first time in years. I sank into the warm water and started carefully writing on my phone.
Minutes in, I found my muscles relaxing and all my tension leaving. I put my phone down. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Everything released. My mind eased. And I felt everything in the moment. Perspective. Quiet resilience. Growing capability. Awareness. Peace. Maybe this was my own anointing.
"Where's Mommy?" I heard my daughter ask. My eyes opened. Moments later, she appeared, followed by my other toddler. I entered back into the beautiful chaos and challenges in my life. But, I felt changed. My energy felt different. I had more to give my kids and family.
I don't have answers to the questions I ask. I'm just a sleep deprived wife, mom, and Beloved who wants to be with Jesus this week because I have so much to learn and discover still from my God. A God who came down to Earth to not only be with me but also be like me. In becoming human, I can trust His experience. And if I listen closely enough, I can hear Him guide me through my own.
Jesus, it is Holy Week. And I ask for the grace to see things the way you do. To be with you, to learn from you, to love like you. I am human. But you were too. At least for a short period of time for a greater purpose. I struggle daily with many things. But I know, you know how I feel. This week, help me to receive all you are trying to give me. Amen.
Hills And Valleys by Tauren Wells
Rae Visita Izquierdo