THE INSECURITY OF NEW BEGINNINGS
“Children, it is the last hour…” - 1 John 2:18a
Oh. Daunting. While John was referring to the appearance of antichrists, I am referring to the end of this calendar year. 2024 was a big year for me filled with new beginnings: I finished graduate school and started my first full-time job in a new career, moved into a new apartment across the street, and started a new romantic relationship. And while this last year has been an exciting chapter, I’ve observed a close relationship between new beginnings and feelings of insecurity. And while insecurity is a difficult feeling, I’m learning it’s not a bad feeling, and I can credit this wisdom to my 4-year-old nephew, Dorian.
When Dorian was learning to walk a few years ago, he did not feel bad when he stumbled - he was not bogged down by our “adult” feelings of guilt, shame, and the frustration of not knowing. He understood he’s never done this before, and in true child-like resiliency, tried again. And he was so naturally patient with his learning, stumbling, falling. He was so patient with his insecurity. He was so patient with himself. And I’ve lost that. As an adult, I should know… right? I should be better… right? I should have like 99% of this stuff figured out. But there’s nothing like new beginnings that shake us to our core and we come face to face with the very real, very humiliating, but very liberating truth: I don’t know it all and I never will.
But thank actual God there is someone that does know it all. And in Him, we can at least find some peace knowing that this Good God, who is all knowing, is also all powerful and all loving. And in the moments of my greatest insecurities this last year, turning to God empowered me to believe the words of 1 John 2:20: “But you have the anointing that comes from the holy one, and you all have knowledge.” Knowledge that maybe what I know right now is enough… for right now. That if I needed to know more, God will find a way to reveal it to me, to teach me as a Good Father teaches His daughter how to walk. And maybe the greatest, most humble, and most honest thing I can do is to be attentive and keep my spiritual eyes open to my daily life, and see what lessons He may want to teach me next through circumstance, the words and actions of others or the Holy Spirit within me in prayer.
So I invite you to find those places of insecurity in your heart before the end of this year: the places that feel a little messy, anxious or weak and to “air it out” as my late spiritual director would say: bring these parts of you to prayer and lay them out in the sun, in the warmth of God’s mercy and acceptance. And I know with that, God will give us the strength to enter into 2025 with the ability to “Sing to the Lord a new song…” (Psalm 96:1a) with what little, big, deep, or simple sense of freedom we receive when we offer our hearts to Him.
Father God, as we reflect on the excitement of new beginnings and this new year, I ask that you access the parts of our hearts that feel insecure. The parts that feel weak, messy and anxious. That you may shine your healing light in these spaces, and grant us the freedom to trust You. Please do what You will with these parts of our heart, and to strengthen us as we enter into 2025, giving us the freedom to sing You a new song of praise with our transformation in You. We ask this in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Liz Tapang
Photo Credit: Unsplash, Caroline Hernandez